I was 23 years old, I had just made the decision to enlist into the Navy, I was in the delayed entry program and had the world ahead of me. That weekend I went out with some friends to celebrate. We were at a bar downtown where I lived. The last thing I remember was going outside to use the phone to call home.
I later woken up in someone's apartment with mattresses all over the floors. It was dirty and there where two strange men in the room with me. My blouse and leggings were torn up. I was bleeding between my legs.
I was a virgin.
But besides that they had used a knife on me as well when I was passed out. I didn't know my surroundings. One of the men went into their bathroom and closed the door, the other sat and stared at me for what seemed l like an eternity. I wasn't sure if I was going to live. I knew if I screamed it would make things worse. So I sat there and watched as the other man fell asleep.
I got up quietly and slowly and without my shoes I went over to the door, opened it and ran down the hall, I ran to the buildings steps and down six flights of stairs... By the third out of six flights I could hear someone coming after me and yelling.
I finally reached out side and tried flagging down a passing car which ignored me and sped away. I felt helpless so I ran some more cutting up my feet, blood dripping down my legs. Run. Its all I could think of. Just run.
Finally I was able to recognize where I was. It seemed like I ran for miles. I now knew I could go to the police station.
As soon as I got there I fell to the ground in the station and cried.. Police surrounded me and were panicking.
I couldn't speak , I had no id, all I could do was write my parents number on a piece of paper.
They called my family and I was taken to the hospital, I later learned not only was I roofied, I was choked and bound, and gagged, and raped vaginally and anally, and cut.
About a month passed after this happened, I still wanted to go to the Navy and start a new life after what happened. I was still healing but I still had the ambition to better my life. I went to meps which is where they process you before going to basic training. They did all of the usual test and a physical everything was looking great..except I unbeknownst to me, I was pregnant.
Their test showed I was positive ...
Now your words you just wrote...struck me in a way that in no other words can describe as offensive and careless and truly heartless..mostly ignorant.
Would you still keep the baby?
What if you had a daughter and this happened to her?
Mind you the month before I was to go to meps... I tried to kill myself. I would walk to this bridge by my house and sit on the edge and with mere centimeters' of what I believed would be my salvation I almost jumped.
I have held a gun in my mouth... I have wanted to leap in front of an on coming bus.
You say adoption or other options...
What if I was still pregnant still struggling with that hopelessness I had...would that be better?
To end my life while caring another that was from the most gruesome rape that has happened in my area?
I now have two boys, I'm a veteran, I don't have those thoughts of suicide anymore...and I have zero regrets about aborting the baby I had as a result from people who are heartless, careless, and truly selfish.
And yes I 100% believe god lead me to where I am now. And he still loves me and forgives me.
None of this is your business.
I've had to deal with my choice beyond anything you can think of to say. I've had miscarriages as well. But I am very blessed right now in this moment knowing I survived so that I can have a chance to properly know what it's like to have the unconditional love from children and to adequately be a mother they deserve. Not something broken or nonexistent.
You can be angry and riled up. You'll forget you ever read this in a few months while leading your seemingly perfect little life. However I'm far ahead of you because I've moved on. So be mad. I don't care. Just know that none of this shit is any of your damn business. You want to be prolife? Don't pick and choose who's is more valuable even at the moment. If we all made those snap decisions anyways..where would we be? Probably mad like you are now. 😁
